i hate when people tell me to eat. especially when my family reminds me to every 10 minutes. I know there’s food in the kitchen, I know someone just cooked dinner, stop. I’ll eat when I’m hungry and right now, I’m not.
i hate it even more that when I do eat, other people call me fat. Sometimes I’ll go on tc with friends and I’ll be seen eating a cracker or a sandwich of nutella and every single time, someone tells me I’m fat. I’m fat for eating a fucking cracker or a fucking sandwich.
i hate it when it from gr.8-10, I bought lunch everyday form the caf. and my friends would tell me I’m so unhealthy and that I’m going to get diabetes from just a fucking pepsi can. They’ll make fun of me for just buying lunch. They’ll calculate how much money I’ll spend in a week, in a month, in a year from just buying lunch at the caf. Gee, thanks for making me feel like shit. This year, I just bring a sandwich for lunch and now they make me feel bad for eating a sandwich everyday. Sorry I can’t snazz up something special and different every morning because I don’t have the time for that.
You’re always mad at people for leaving you out and not talking to you. But what I realized is that you don’t talk to them. How can you be pissed at someone for ignoring you when you don’t talk to them first? You always isolate yourself from the group. You can’t expect them to always talk to you especially when you reject every invite we give you.
I always hesitate and get nervous whenever I upload a picture of myself.. anywhere.
On tumblr it’s fine because probably no one who I know in person will see it.
But on instagram, facebook, twitter, etc. .. I get scared that people will look at it be like, “shes actually ugly in person.” or “she’s actually not that pretty.”
Whenever my friends scroll down their newsfeed or dash or whatever, I usually hear them say that and. I just. I feel bad.
what if people actually do that to me?
People always ask me why I don’t have a profile picture and this is why.
I can’t be crying right now, I just can’t. I have a precal test tomorrow that I need practice on but the more I worry, the more the stress, the more the anxiety comes back, the more I feel like breaking down. I can’t afford another breakdown just to get a mark I’m not proud of.
It’s kind of sad how the person that tried to help me be happy actually almost intentionally tried to bring me down. Just because you’re dared to say 5 things you hate about me right in front of me, doesn’t mean you have to do it. I bet if I literally didn’t beg you not to do it, you would have.
So my friend was crying during class today and I couldn’t do anything about it because I sit all the way on the other side of the room. And half way through class, the peer counsellor person called her in. So fast forward to lunch time.. I asked my other friend if she knew why she was upset and she said, “she’s just sensitive.” What she says just bugs me. I mean, I get why she would say that since she only knows that she gets moody and not why. Just because she appears that way doesn’t mean there isn’t an actual serious reason why.
It’s sad how I have to resort to venting/ranting on tumblr other than actually talking to someone about things. I just can’t go back to counselling :/ I already told them I was fine and everything was okay now even though it wasn’t. I just can’t stand the feeling that my peer counsellor was thinking that I was wasting her time while I try to find the right words to explain how I feel. They want to know what’s wrong but to be honest, I don’t even know what’s wrong.